Dealing with breakups is never easy. There are several breakup rules like the well-known “21 days” rule, but that is not always the case. If you are no stranger to the broken heart, then you know that every relationship is different, and so is every breakup!
It really does not matter how long the relationship has lasted, if you have kids, if you were married or not, it doesn’t! All breakups can be extremely hard to overcome, and it all depends on the intensity and love that you shared for that specific person.
Still, there are a few guidelines that we can follow to get an idea of how long it will take to get over an ex though.
Do you love the person or do you love the relationship?
Many of us get lost in this simple concept. What do we really love? The person, their quirks and flaws or the relationship and the possible future of the said relationship?
It is really hard to not get too invested in the potential, in what it could have been, but that is the first step to acknowledge that the breakup is real. We need to stop fantasizing and dreaming about the relationship and start to move on. Simply put, if things were really as great as we are picturing after the breakup, then we would still be together, right?
This first step can really help us to quickly close this chapter and move us forward.
Respect what you built together
Even though it is important to acknowledge that the relationship is over, it is also important to recognize that you shared an extremely important bond with someone else. As we have discussed before, we can’t try to fantasize and oversell the relationship in our minds, but if you were together, it also means that you loved each other immensely at some point.
Respect that and don’t dwell on the pain. After the breakup, it is common practice to badmouth and complain about everything that the other person did. We do this to blow off steam and try to picture him or her in a bad light. However, this mindset is a big trap that can really extend the period that it will take you to get over your ex.
The mind needs time to heal but before it can do that, it has to accept what has happened. The constant negativity and badmouthing do not let you get closure. It does not let you move on.
Time to distance ourselves
Another important step to get over your ex is distancing yourself from him/her. Hey, nowadays it is really common to stalk an ex on social media. We all do it. But that is a really big hurdle that we have to overcome. In fact, it is recommended that we block our exes on all social media and ask our mutual friends to not relay any information regarding the ex.
Why you may ask? These little bits of information keep the hope alive; it allows us to still have a connection with our ex. They keep the brain engaged on him/her and that is not healthy. Most of the time we even try to outdo them to “show” that we are better off. You know what I’m talking about. Like, our ex goes on vacation and we double down and go too, but to a more exotic place! We are not enjoying ourselves; we are competing to make it seem that we are. It really is better to cease all information on him/her.
Accept and embrace the future
We also need to accept that the time we need to get over an ex may not be set in stone. Accept that it will take a while, accept that, at some point, that person was really special to us.
Only after accepting all the steps that we have talked about, only then are we able to overcome this obstacle and look ahead to the future, with a smile.